It felt like my moment had come, like I had struck gold. The perfect man was infatuated by me. He complimented parts of me I've always wanted someone to notice. He made me feel exquisite, sometimes even divine. It's such a high to find someone you adore and admire, and for them to feel the same for you. It’s been a while since I’ve felt a connection this magnetic.
It's wild how so much of life is subjective. How we give meaning and credence to the things we wish to believe. He had me meet his sister, invited me to her wedding abroad, called me pet names his family called him and told me I was everything he's ever wanted. He shared parts of his dark past with whom he's only told a few.
Now, to a normal person, that's special. Right? These aren't things people share openly, right? I must be different, right? Perhaps the acts I gave meaning to are meaningless to him.
Our love was playful, funny and passionate. The symptoms were so euphoric, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I didn't see the clues he dropped to hint this wasn't serious. But in hindsight, I could count the ways.
We only see what we want to see, and I pray next time I would see what is there in plain sight. Is it true that if it feels too good to be true, it is? Isn't that such a degrading outlook? That we don't deserve an outcome beyond what is acceptable?
He said he was never committed to me, and I called him out on misleading me. To my surprise, he never responded. I didn't even deserve a response?
Did I even matter? Was any of it real? Was it just for show?
I know what I felt. And I find it hard to believe I was disillusioned. Perhaps it was best that it ended. He began to reveal a darker side, troubled and depressed. But he didn't want my help. You get what you give, and my love is bold and bright. We were on different pages.
Look for consistency. And remember what you are. Hang onto that and don't let anyone inside of your bubble. Make your bubble indestructible. Because you are the only one that matters. Focus on your goals and everyone else is secondary. You have the power to shape your world.